All I want is to love my Calendar girl
by moonfiretiarasoulaction
Summary: Because this manga needs Sayomi now more than ever! If her creator won't give Sayaka a sweet love-story I will.


I hear Kanou-san come into the room again and close the door behind her as I carefully place my lens on my right eye.  
Success! It sticks.

These things are always such a hassle, but I hate how my glasses always make me look like an old maid. Besides, lenses are just more practical.

Kanou-san sits down on her knees in her loose black cotton pants and green sweater beside me at the table.  
She always makes an effort to wear some stylish and cute dress whenever we go out on a date, but when she's at home or when, like this weekend, I've asked her to come for a sleepover she prefers to dress casually.

I watch her stare curiously as I roll my eye around to make sure the lens has settled in place.

"Can I do the other one?" She asks with a cute expression as she slides my contact lens case towards her before I can stop her.

Honestly! She's just like a cat. Let her into your life and she'll just do whatever she feels like.

"I don't think it's very hygienic to have someone else put your contact lenses into your eye," I protest in mild irritation, but she already managed to balance the tiny transparent saucer on the tip of her pointer finger.

"I just came from the bathroom," She replies dryly and looks at me frankly as she holds up her finger to me. "I washed my hands."

"Alright then," I give in. "But be careful, alright?"

I turn my left eye towards her and use my middle finger and pointer finger to separate my eyelids.  
Kanou-san wears a slight, satisfied grin as I nervously watch the lens on her finger slowly approaching my exposed eye.

She really is just like a cat.

Her finger has almost reached my eye and it is hard to keep from closing it in a nervous twitch.  
Then... I feel a minute touch on my eye and the lens gently nestles itself over my eyeball. We actually managed to pull it off somehow!

Just like before, I roll my eye around and blink while I watch her sit in attention with a big smile on her face.

"Shall we go to the cake shop for breakfast?" She then asks with an honest, naked expression.

"Why did you want to do this so badly?" I ask. Involuntary I tilt my face as she places her hands between her knees and arches her back while stretching her arms.

"I saw you put in your contact lense and I wondered how intimate it would be to put them in for you. So I wanted to try it," She simply replies. "Didn't you like it?"

"I can't say I don't like it. It just an unusual thing to do. That's all."

She stares at me, not really listening to what I'm saying.

"And it would be nice if you had asked whether I didn't mind before you just pawed my contact lens case," I haughtily add.

"Ah! I'm sorry," She grimaces.

"Really... You are so intrusive," I mutter.

Akemi and Hoshi are waking up in their basket by my desk.

Akemi stretches and slowly walks over to Kanou-san, sliding her flank along her legs and lower back while my girlfriend slides her hand along the feline's body in a fluid motion. Hoshi is flattening her ears and yawns in the basket. After having her head caressed by Kanou-san Akemi comes and bunts her head against my leg while purring loudly.

"I'm not the only one who's hungry," Kanou-san observes. "So how about it? The cake shop? I feel like croissants and coffee. My treat."

"You really like it there, don't you? Alright. You made me lust for a chocolate cornet."

She leans closer and drapes her arms around my neck, making me blush.  
Akemi has left us to groom herself near the basket.

"I was hoping to make you lust for myself," My girlfriend teases with a flushed, gentle smile.

I smell a mix of her fabric softener and perfume. Sweet and fresh. My arms encircle her back and she starts to kiss me, her lips gently caressing mine.

Kanou-san is a very good kisser. She always starts out sweet and soft but gradually she starts to put all of her passion in her kisses, making you feel as if she wants to eat you whole.

It's no different this time, and even though I still, regretfully, can't seem to return her feelings I find myself heating up through the sensation of being desired so ardently by her.

Her needy lips and tongue barely allow themselves to be separated from mine for even a second while we cling together and kiss and sigh and let our tongues fondle one another.  
It is really very intense and after a while, I exhaustedly bow my head and lean it against her shoulder while I catch my breath.

"Are you alright?" She surprisedly asks in between sighs as she holds me to her body and strokes my hair.

"Yes," I smile, enjoying her caressing. "It's just that I can tell you are hungry. Apparently, the onigiri, croquettes, and tamagoyaki you wolfed down yesterday evening weren't enough to satisfy you."

"Hmpf. I wasn't that bad. I enjoyed dinner. That's all," I hear.

I sit up again with a smile and watch her embarrassment subside.

"Let's go then if you're that hungry," I tease.

I get up and my long orange dress falls loosely around my legs.  
Kanou-san watches me closely with a blank expression as I pull a crimson sweater from a drawer in my cupboard and put my head and arms through it.

"Are you ready?"

She nods, and I stare at her for a few seconds.

"Did you get taller?" I frown.

"I did?" She tilts her head. "Maybe I have. I only started my period when I was fourteen, so I might still grow."

"So that's why you eat so much," I tease again as we leave my room.

"I guess I'm lucky anything I eat doesn't automatically add to my waistline," She deadpans.

"Alright. Let's not say any more on the subject," I quietly grumble.

* * *

As we walk to the nearby cake shop I reflect on our relationship.

I took this chance because after having my heart broken, someone sought my exclusive company.  
And the very unromantic way in which Kanou-san "confessed" to me is proof of how desperately I wanted someone to heal my heart.

Telling someone that you think you feel attracted to them over an iced tea in cafe Echo while your senpai has slipped away to the toilet isn't a scene I expect to see in a movie.

We have been dating for two months now. I like spending time with Kanou-san.  
We kiss and hug and it feels nice to have her seek me out at school and text me, but I am not developing any romantic feelings for her and that bothers me.

Perhaps she just isn't my type.

Kanou-san is interesting but unglamorous. She is ambitious without passion. She is kind yet reserved. She shares many qualities with Touko except the ones that made her stand out.

I like Kanou-san.  
But I want to feel more and I might be keeping myself from feeling more out of fear of being the only one falling in love and getting my heart broken a third time.

I think Kanou-san is falling in love with me. At least, I would have expected her to break up with me if she wasn't.  
But I am afraid to ask her about her feelings for me. I am too frightened she might be thinking the same things I am.  
I have been hurt twice before and I am afraid to let go of this chance for happiness.

It is curious how I find myself in the opposite situation I have been in with Touko.  
Instead of fearfully keeping the intensity of my feelings to myself I am now fearfully keeping the lack of intensity in my feelings towards Kanou-san to myself.

When she asked me if I would like to start dating because she was curious to see whether we might fall in love I felt like we had been set up for an omiai. The prospect of an omiai always seemed horrible to me.  
But still, I took that chance. Because however unromantic, I need Kanou-san's love.  
I need someone to help me heal my heart.

* * *

We have arrived at the cake shop and are sitting at a pretty round wooden table with drawings of all kinds of pastry etched into it.

I catch my girlfriend staring at me as I look at the picture of a piece of carrot cake at the top of the menu I'm browsing.  
And she doesn't stop looking because I caught her.

"What's wrong?" I ask quietly.

"Nothing," She smiles before turning her attention to her own menu.

I do the same.

If Touko had acted like that I would have been blushing like crazy.

A few minutes later we each place our menu on the table and as on queue, the waitress who welcomed us when we arrived, a chubby university student with short brown hair and a sweet smile, returns to our table.

"Hello again, dear customers. May I take your order, please?"

Kanou-san regards me expectantly. I turn to the waitress and place my order.

"A chocolate banana crepe and a hazelnut cappuccino, please."

She writes down my order and turns to my girlfriend.

"A sakura Shibuya honey toast with ice cream, extra strawberries, cream, and a latte macchiato, please."

The waitress leaves us and walks through the dark-brown double doors to the kitchen behind the lime-green counter.

Shibuya honey toast?

I look at Kanou-san with a gentle smile.

"This is a Sunday brunch," She replies with a grimace. "Besides, I am near to finishing my story for the competition. I am allowed a reward."

One thing I am captivated by in Kanou-san is her writing. When she let me read the story she had sent in to the competition I was amazed that someone of my age could write like that. She is clearly very talented, but she also works very hard to surpass herself.

I love and identify with that part of her.

"Yes, your historical drama," I say as I lean forward. "Remember, you promised to let me read it first this time instead of Koito-san."

I frown as, to my surprise, she holds her hand in front of her lips to hide her giggle.

"Are you so eager to read my story or to steal the privilege from Yuu?" She asks.

"That's mean," I protest, crossing my arms.

"I'm sorry," She blushes with a mischievous grin. "But I will certainly let you read it first. Even if it will be somewhat embarrassing."

"Why would it be embarrassing?"

"You'll see when you read it," She mutters, glancing at the kitchen.

There are about seven other customers seated at similar tables in the shop.  
This cozy local cake shop opened near my house around October last year. It has a wide display in front with lots of mouth-watering artificial display food. The interior is an eclectic but tasteful mix of lime green, pudding yellow, chocolate brown, and strawberry red.

There is a counter to your left when you come in and to your right are ten round, wooden tables that can seat up to four people. The waitress takes away the redundant chairs when you take your seats.  
They have quite a large selection of pastries and coffees, but only a few varieties of each.

I watch Kanou-san as she looks at her folded hands while no doubt pondering the conclusion to her story.

"I do admire how you well you took getting fifth place in the previous competition," I say after some time.

She slowly looks up.

"Thank you. But I never expected to win in the first place. All I wanted was to have my writing judged by Renma-sensei. And I was lucky to get to meet her and receive personal advice after the competition. I got more than I expected out of my participation," My girlfriend answers, becoming somewhat animated.

"I did feel somewhat annoyed at her confiding in me that she purposely voted my story down, but I understand why she did it. I agree that it doesn't serve to be pushed to start a career as an immature writer. And I have learned a lot since then. Not just because of our correspondence. Writing the script for the student-council play taught me a lot too.

Ah! Our orders," Kanou-san smiles as she sees the waitress approach us with our crepe and honey toast, each on a separate tray.

The waitress places the trays with our pastries and coffee deftly on the table and bows:" Please, enjoy your meal."

"Thank you for the food," we smile before we enjoy our sweet brunch.

I enjoy my delicious crepe while my girlfriend devours her Shibuya honey toast overloaded with sakura mochi and vanilla ice cream, strawberries and whipped cream with a face as if she was partaking in a tea-ceremony held by the Imperial family.

After a while, she notices my gaze and looks up.

"It seems to be very tasty," I smile.

"Do you want a bite?" She asks seriously, feeding me a sakura mochi ice cream before I can protest.

"Hmm. It's very good," I say.

"Can I get something in return?" She blushes.

"Hmm? What do you...?"

I reflexively offer her my crepe.

"No. The other hand," She says with a nervous glance at the other customers.

I confusedly stretch my other hand out to her and look aside.  
Suddenly I feel her dip my finger into the whipped cream and quickly lick it before I can pull my arm back.  
We both sit quietly eating our pastries with red faces after that. Kanou-san might really do me in after all if she keeps this up.

* * *

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," Kanou-san says quietly as we walk back to my house afterward. "I've wanted to do that since we came here last time."

I look at her penitent face, still half in shock. She has her arm linked with mine and rubs her head against mine.

Just like a cat!

"You might have told me what you were planning!" I sigh.

"You wouldn't have allowed it if I had," She responds and gives me a frank look.

"You got that right," I deadpan as I turn my face ahead.

After all... Kanou-san may not be glamorous, passionate, or out-going... She may not make my heart jump or fill my belly with butterflies...  
But she's as cool and bold as ten Touko's when she sets her mind on something, and she really seems to be falling in love with me.

For now, that's enough.

I look to my right again and startle my girlfriend with a sudden kiss.  
She just grins and blushes and keeps looking ahead.

Most of all, even though she might not like me saying so, Kanou-san is very cute.

* * *

_"I humbly beg your forgiveness!"_

_Tomoe Gozen's green eyes dilated in shock as her commander prostrated himself before her.  
__ The wind blew through her light brown hair as for the first time in her life her impenetrable cool was shattered._

_"I have failed you, my beloved!" Yoshinaka passionately exclaimed. __"We have been defeated through my flawed leadership. Please, leave me to die here with Imai no Shiro Kanehira. You need not __share my shame."_

_The enemy was preparing for the charge that would make an end of Yoshinaka's ambitions once and for all. There was not much time to make a decision._

_"I cannot leave you!" Tomoe answered. "I cannot leave you. Please do not order me to refrain from ending my life in your service!"_

_Yoshinaka sat up and looked at the distressed look in the eyes of the woman who was so devoted to him._

_"If you cannot leave me, then I will have to order you," He said with gentle firmness._

_Kanehira looked on with quiet respect at the love between these two great warriors of the Minamoto clan._

_Tomoe Gozen's heart was split in two by her lord's painful order. The love she felt for him struggled with itself. Unable to leave him to die without her, but equally unable to shame him and herself by disobeying this last order, prompted by his great love and respect for her._

_"What will become of me without you, my lord?" She, at last, asked him with bowed head._

_"You will live, my beloved. You will live, and start a new life," Yoshinaka said._

I stop typing and groan in frustration.

"You will live and start a new life? How tame. How insipid! That's no good at all. Let's see..."

A cheerful ringtone alerts me to a message from Yuu. I pick up my cellphone from the side of my desk and read.

"Saeki-senpai should be near your house by now to pick you up for our Hanami. I'm already here with Touko-senpai, Seji-san, and Akira. You didn't forget? I haven't heard from you all day? Don't forget the blankets! It's nippy out here."

A wry smile appears on my face as I realize how immersed I have been in my writing.

"I'm sorry I forgot to contact you, but I knew Sayaka-senpai would come to fetch me. I have been writing all day. Everything is packed. I'll bring it along right away. I'll see you in a few minutes," I type, and after overlooking the text another second I press send.

Stretching my arms and taking a deep breath I realize I should change my sweaty, shut-in jumper.

There is a nice, warm dark-blue dress and a pretty white shirt in the cupboard Sayaka-senpai will surely like, so I quickly take off my writing-clothes, use my deo-stick and dress.

Once dressed I sit at my desk again and after staring at the screen of my laptop for half a minute I can't help gleefully scroll back to my favorite scene in the story that's almost ready for the competition.

_Tomoe Gozen road her horse with thundering hooves over the battlefield. Her long, light brown hair flaring up in the wind as she sliced her katana trough anyone foolish enough to try and prevent her from delivering her lord from his attackers._

_Most already fled in fear if they were lucky enough to see her coming. Such terror did the name of the cool-headed pride of the Minamoto-clan inspire by now._

_Blood sprayed left and right as she severed the heads of the hapless who didn't see her coming._

_He would not fall in this battle with her at his side! She would not allow his dream to end here!_

_Only a few meters separated them. Only two enemy warriors separated them, but she quickly dealt with them and reached Yoshinaka._

The doorbell rings and my heart jumps because I know Sayaka-senpai is here for me.  
I close my laptop, quickly pull a comb through my hair and close the door of my bedroom behind me.

* * *

Sayaka-senpai looks as beautiful and regal as ever. She's wearing a honey-colored dress with a beige knitted vest.

I may be staring a little too long.

She kisses me and I kiss her back while I drape my arms around her waist and pull her close.  
She hesitatingly does the same and we hug as we inhale the fragrance of the budding flowers around us before we separate and start to walk with the trolly's I filled with blankets, tissues, heat packs and other non-food essentials I packed yesterday evening.

"Did you get a lot of work done?" She asks me with a gentle, inquisitive look. "I'm getting really curious."

"You'll have to practice patience for a while longer," I simply answer. "There are some passages I'm not completely satisfied with that require some re-writing. But I'm almost ready."

We walk quietly towards the little park near the river where the others are gathering while we watch the trees blossom along our way. Sayaka-senpai smiles at the beautiful colors.

"How does it feel to start your final year in high school?" I ask and look her in the eyes.

"It's exciting to think that I'll be starting college next year. But mostly I'm just thinking about how busy I'll be studying for exams," She sighs.

"You'll love it," I say, and we share a smile.

We can see Nanami-senpai and Suguru-san stand up and wave at us from one of the groups sitting among the pink-clouded cherry trees as we approach the park.

"You better prepare for some lively conversation," Sayaka-senpai chuckles.

"Touko made a proposition to Koito-san she's not too thrilled about."

"Yes, I had the impression something was brewing," I giggle.

"Sayaka! It's about time the two of you got back!" Nanami-senpai good-humorously yells at us. "You have to help me talk some sense into Yuu!"

"You are not talking me into running for student-council president, Senpai! And stop trying to get everyone else on your side! Sayaka-senpai and Koyomi know as well as Seji-san and Akira how ridiculous the idea is."

I sit down among my friends and unpack with Seji-san and Akira while I watch the lively scene I was warned about with amusement.

Most of all I watch my girlfriend who, as always, with heroic calm, steers the two strong personalities whose romance has caused her so much pain towards a happy middle ground.

I know the three of you have your secrets, and I don't know Nanami-senpai as well as you do, Sayaka-senpai. But I know Yuu, and when I noticed how involved she was getting with the student council and observed the dynamic between her, Nanami-senpai and you It wasn't hard for an aspiring writer to see the love-triangle that had developed between the three of you.

When I was later asked to write a play and Yuu asked me to alter it according to her guidelines it became very clear to me how the three of you were suffering.

So I don't worry if you don't love me as I love you, Sayaka-senpai. Because I know how much you have loved already.  
I know you are too pure for this world. Too loyal and self-sacrificing. And I will promise you that I will protect your precious, devoted heart.

So I will continue to show you my love and I know that eventually, I will make you love me just as much.  
Because I will not fail to make you as happy as you deserve to be.


End file.
